I'm Weak, It's True . . . 'Cause I'm Afraid To Know The Answer

True - Ryan Cabrera

I don’t know where my head’s at today. Can’t seem to concentrate on anything . . . ADD to the max. Days like these are rare and good thing because I can’t stand myself like this. Phooey.

It’s just short of two hours before quitting time and I’m definitely looking forward to this weekend. Girl time tomorrow with friends from home: the four of us are finally catching the Sex And The City movie, dinner, and much-deserved massages.

It seems getting massages is the estrogen-charged activity of choice for me now. In Vancouver, female bonding for my friends and I always involved either getting facials/manis/pedis [winter/summer] or toasting ourselves on the beach [summer – usually followed by manis/pedis, hehe].

Self-pampering was the perfect way to relax and clear our minds . . .

Anyway, so according to my sign, my negative traits include being suspicious, overly emotional, and obsessive. Not completely untrue, and I’ve spent much of the past three years consciously trying to reform these characteristics. But really, don’t all those things just add up to neuroticism?

There are times when it’s not so bad . . . but sometimes it gets to the point that even I want to smack myself upside the head. What was that phrase from How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? You know, the one about what being “FINE” actually means? I would spin it as being inquisitive, but sometimes wanting to find meaning in every single little thing is hazardous. And it is during times like these that I appreciate my girl time the most.

When E was visiting last month, I took her to go get foot massages after our marathon shopping sessions. Everything was going along swimmingly until my masseur got to this one pressure point near my big toe and I quite literally yelped in pain. He told me that it was an indication that I was a worrier. Then he told me that I should relax and try not to think about things so much, especially if doing so kept me awake at night.

For all the times that E has said “don’t worry about it,” “it doesn’t matter anymore,” and “who cares” to me . . . she burst out laughing and using her most sarcastic voice said, “Yeah, G. See? I told you! Stop thinking so much. Just stop it!” And for all the things I worried over that turned out to be nothings . . . I just had to laugh at myself.